Posted in Faith, Valentine's Day

Love Defined

It’s funny how our concept of love evolves.  Prior to our marriage my husband, Steve, and I thought we had loved other people.  We sacrificed a lot to save the relationships we thought were true love.  By the time we met we were hurt people who had given up on the whimsical notion of love.

God has a sense of humor.  To prove that fact, He took the two of us, polar opposites, and gave us a unique, powerful attraction and deep comprehension of one another that defies logic. Not having experienced such before it terrified us both.

Even the common ground we shared was unequal.  Steve was a devoted
Christian, a great man of God, revered for his commitment to family and someone to be admired and highly esteemed.  I was a baby Christian, previous bar fly, with a mouth that sent a sailor to confessional and determined to do life without the intervention of a man.   Our common ground?  Jesus.

We fought ourselves because the emotions made no sense.  We argued with each other just to release the tension.  We despised others because they conspired to bring us down.  And we wrestled angels because we feared the powerful arc that lept between us.

We had people who were genuinely concerned for our April-December romance.  Yet, there were others who for selfish gain sought to pull us apart.  There were also those who wholeheartedly supported us.  It was confusing at best.  We knew only one way to combat it and that was through prayer.  And prayer led us to open, honest communication with each other.  That brutal honesty laid bare our previous failures and forced us to see ourselves and each other in raw, nonromantic ways.

Stripped of our safety nets, failures exposed and fears sliced into, it was easy to see God’s plan.  When we made our commitment to God and each other we joyfully discovered that years of planning could not have made our wedding day any more perfect.  It was as if God had dispatched angels to tend to every detail.

There was nothing typical about our courtship, wedding or even our marriage now.  I know that people often define their spouses as the love of their life.  And I applaud that.  It makes me smile just thinking of it.  In no way would I seek to lessen those sentiments because they are rare in today’s marriages.

But for me, I just can’t seem to find the words to define or explain this man I’m married to, the life we live or the relationship we share.  I have tried and I have pondered.  Each time I circle back to the fact that I just don’t think words have yet been invented to adequately describe this love I have.  Just as I couldn’t settle for relationship descriptions back then I can’t settle for love defined now.  We define our love with every moment of every day that we face together.


Posted in Education, Homeschool, The DJ Diariers, Valentine's Day

My Very Special Valentine

Despite homeschooling DJ we always have a Valentine’s Day party.  We’ve been talking about the party this year for a week.  Last night before he went to bed I told him all about the things we’d do today, much to his excitement.  We were going to go shopping, make cupcakes, crafts and just all around merriment.

Look at our cupcakes!  Aside from DJ being a little heavy handed with the sprinkles, they are perfect.  And our giant chocolate kisses turned out perfect, despite it being our first time attempt.


Anyone looking at these pictures would think we had a great time.  You know what?  They would be WRONG!  Somewhere between last night’s excitement and this morning’s reality DJ lost his “give a care” chip.  He was not only uninterested in any sort of Valentine’s Day activity but he made sure I suffered while making him do them.  Meanwhile, I’m living in some idiotic state thinking he’s going to warm up to the idea.  I was sure that at any given moment the merriment I had dreamt of would commence.  Wrong again!

Lost somewhere between the crazy notions of, “oh, he’ll come around” and “by george it’s a party and we’re going to have fun if it kills us both”, I came to my senses.  It’s not like guests were arriving at any moment.  The only guest was the dog and she can’t have chocolate or cupcakes.  There’s a reason he has special needs. Uh… because his needs are special (perhaps not as special as his mother’s though).  And it’s homeschool for crying out loud.  I’m not even competing with other mothers.  Apparently, I’m just crazy.

Alas, I gave up the party mentality and let the child go watch Big Hero 6.  And for that, I got the sweetest gift of all; a hug and big kiss from my very special Valentine.